A Purpose

Have you ever wondered, what exactly is your purpose in life? Or better yet, have you ever wondered, what exactly do you have of value that can also sustain you for a living?

This comes to mind often because here I am, lost. I have many talents, interests, hobbies, and I am always eager to learn but nothing of what I love has ever been enough to kick off. If I could live off my writing I would gladly offer my soul to the gods of literature. My one true passion lies within the funny shapes on the page we call letters that form those weird things called words.

I’ve always been a writer at heart. That will never change. Yet down the avenues of creativity I ventured and into the unknown I dipped my toes and swam in the waters of art and media. What a ride it was. Yes I enjoyed my journey but in this mad world we live in, everything requires 10 years of experience for entry level. Why must I be so experienced in something I’m just starting? What ever happened to training a willing individual with some experience and some knowledge? Well…

Back to square one. Who am I now? What do I want? And is what I want able to carry me until I retire? A woman sitting in the dark corner of her mind observing the world unfold before her and barely existing. An experience I relive too often. A feeling of regret accompanied by the quicksand of time leaves me racing to find what I need to free myself from choosing the monotonous work life or one that allows me to express my creativity freely while still being human.

So what do you do at this point? Go back to school? Learn a trade? At what point do you tell yourself its time to stop dreaming? A purpose in life and here I am unaware of what that purpose is. How do I go about finding it? I admire those that have love and interest in sciences and math. It’s a lucrative dream and they are all doing what they enjoy.

Yet us that dare love the arts struggle, starve, and barely are recognized. Its a longer broken ladder to climb. A vision that can only feed the stomachs of the mind. Yet I don’t dare give up it. I don’t dare stop putting together the words that create worlds beyond reach. If anything I can at least escape there and be a new creature or exactly as I am now but with the means to work in the things I love without consequence.

Like a child crying because I didn’t get my way, I sit. I wait. I look on to see what now? So while I wait let’s go. Join me. Let’s go to where the light twinkling in the distance beckons. Where the horizon is endless. Where the trees have bloomed and the clouds have passed. Where the warmth that touches the skin feels like soft kisses of earth. Let’s swim in the clear waters of the lakes and oceans that surround us and dive to the depths where silence is as loud as our voice. Let’s wait here. Let’s….wait.